I'm like the Lone Ranger.
Me versus laptop.
Face-to-face, we square up to each other.
I flex my fingers and place them on the keys.
Prizing my eyes open, I force myself to focus on my Cock infested Inbox.
[The music from the film, The Good, The Bad & The Ugly echoes in my ears as some virtual tumble weed crosses my path.]
Dismissively shaking my head, I note there are over 1,000 winks, messages and favourites awaiting some sort of reply from me. Gulp, no pressure!?
Feeling flattered but very shocked, I read the instructions on how to filter inappropriate correspondents. It says, 'Filter your messages, winks and gifts to focus on the people that matter to you.' (In teeny tiny print.) Can I just say, 'everyone' matters to me. If someone has taken the trouble to write, I'm genuinely grateful.
Feeling flattered but very shocked, I read the instructions on how to filter inappropriate correspondents. It says, 'Filter your messages, winks and gifts to focus on the people that matter to you.' (In teeny tiny print.) Can I just say, 'everyone' matters to me. If someone has taken the trouble to write, I'm genuinely grateful.
Where do I start?
Easy - let's put an age restriction to eliminate young men who could actually be the fruit of my womb!
NEXT!
Are you only interested in men who have a photo? (That's pretty fair and reasonable, isn't it?) I set this to YES, only men with photos.
The final box asks, Men who live no more than X miles from you.
Look, I'm a woman. Can I do weights and measures? No, I can't!
If the man with the lynx deodorant spray hadn't placed it next to his cock, I doubt I'd have known what an inadequate cock is! Oooops! (That's mean, isn't it?)
Ok, look, I'm flushed with the excitement of filtering fun. My filtering system is now in place. Reflecting a simple moral code of no young boys or grand-dads, Homely Girl's job is done.
The final box asks, Men who live no more than X miles from you.
Look, I'm a woman. Can I do weights and measures? No, I can't!
If the man with the lynx deodorant spray hadn't placed it next to his cock, I doubt I'd have known what an inadequate cock is! Oooops! (That's mean, isn't it?)
Ok, look, I'm flushed with the excitement of filtering fun. My filtering system is now in place. Reflecting a simple moral code of no young boys or grand-dads, Homely Girl's job is done.
Time to view my Inbox under the new parameters.
WOO HOO!
Very good, except that I assume you know that Cougar date is amalgamated with about 10 other sites one of which I am on.. let me know how your filtering went.... I might be within your filter range ! lol ;-)
ReplyDeleteOoooo,10 other sites?? I think I know which way the next blog may go now that I'm armed with this info. As you've signed yourself as anonymous, I can't tell if you are within my filtering system. Any clues on how I can identify you??? ;-} x
ReplyDeleteHey HomelyGirl, well I am probably outside your filters! I am definitely older than you, the other sites are not Cougar related... they are everything from Marital affairs to Asian Dating, a real mish mash...its a big con.... so just be careful! x
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are finding it a bit of a con. I'm still at the 'keeping an open mind' stage. And, how do you know you are older than me? I feel an age battle afoot. Maybe you should ask what age filters I set?? xXx
ReplyDeleteHa ha well if you think you are on cougar dating then you must be looking for a younger guy! Hands up I am 46! It's only a con because you think it's one site when infact it's a multitude so you get a lot of unwanted attention! So if you are still interested I can give you my e-mail etc lol ;-) xx
ReplyDeleteYou raise a good point about me being on Cougar Date, but, if you read my first blog (Homely Girl seeks Cumly Boy), you will note that I didn't plan to be on Cougar Date and on no occasion did I contemplate the site because I am looking for a younger man. My filters start at 40 years old and end at 50. Maybe you should send me your e-mail. ;-) x
ReplyDeleteAhh ok well that's enlightening.... I assumed you were looking for someone younger !! I am in your filtering range then... my e-mail is velvetcruz@aol.co.uk bit concerned about putting it on here but what the hell ! look forward to hearing from you ! ;-) x
ReplyDeleteAnd now you know, assumption is a wicked thing! Well, Velvetcruz ...I shall email you but not tonight. I'm gonna surprise you over the week-end. x
ReplyDeleteLol you tease ! But that's ok, so how do I know if it's you? I get lot's of spam, you might just get deleted! ;-) It's ironic that this blog could end up as a potential dating scenario don't you think ! ;-) x
ReplyDeleteHow about, just after I've emailed you, I advise you via this blog? No one else can comment under my identity of Homely Girl, so you'll definitely know it's from me????
ReplyDeleteBy the way, 'tease' is my middle name ...;-) x
Ok it's a deal! I don't mind being teased, as long as I get what I want eventually! But it would be easier just to e-mail me now and cut to the chase! lol ;-)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I am v kinky..... :-0 ! x
V kinky eh? Erm, gotta be honest, now I'm scared. Please tell me that's a joke. It's a joke, right? Yeah, sure you are, you're just joking with me to see if I crumble. I don't crumble ...erm ...I'm Homely Girl ...she who teases in the face of dating!
ReplyDeleteYes I was joking lol! No need to be scared! Sorry if you have crumbled! It didn't take much... serves you right for teasing! ;-) x
ReplyDeleteI knew you were joking. I wasn't really scared. If anyone's going to crumble, it'll be you. Now, on your knees and start begging me to email you! x
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Well am not going to beg, but it would be so much easier by e-mail and no-one else can read it that way! ;-) x
ReplyDeleteBabeeeee - No beggy, no maily! ;-) x
ReplyDeleteOk I beg ! lol PLeeeeeassse ! ;-) x
ReplyDeleteGood boy! Email sent x
ReplyDeleteE-mail received and replied! x
ReplyDeleteExcellent blog HomelyGirl...and your conversation with VelvetCruz was equally entertaining. Shame both have gone quiet recently...you have a following and your followers need updates !
ReplyDelete@BoarderBoy - thanks for taking time to write. As luck would have it, I am half way through the next blog. I'll probably publish it tomorrow (Wed 21st March).
ReplyDeleteYes, my conversation with Velvetcruz was great. Sadly, he's gone very silent on me. It would be great if he sent me a photo.
What about you, BoarderBoy, are you an online dater? x
Well in that case I look forward with interesting to blog number four. No, I'm not an online dater but am contemplating taking the plunge. I'm reading your blog to see if it's something worth doing or not!! x
ReplyDeleteyour lucky day. send me a pic and i will consider a date? lol
ReplyDeleteyou have never met anyone like me sweetie.
my twitter acc is; rajeev_uk
@BoarderBoy ...keep reading. It's a rollercoaster ride baby! x
ReplyDelete@Rajeev_uk ...thanks for the comment, sweetie. I'm on twitter as Homelygirluk. I'll follow you, if you follow me ;-} x
ReplyDeleteSo Homely girl...sounds like you are missing me so I have sent you an e-mail.. this is Velvetcruz by the way..... look fwd to hearing from you.... ;-)
ReplyDeleteVelvetcruz! Just read your email and replied ...;-) x
ReplyDeleteJust replied to yours.... what are you waiting for? ;-) Velvetcruz.....
ReplyDeleteHey, hold on a minute HomelyGirl, I think Rajeev_uk is actually talking to me...not you lol !!!!
ReplyDeletePart four is top notch once again...but what did Jimmy say?! x
@boarderboy - glad you like blog 4. D'ya know? I think you could be right about rajeev-uk, he is talking to you and not me. Forgive me. More evidence to suggest i'm an idiot. I shall now stand aside and let you be the fourth person to follow rajeev. Good luck and keep me posted. :-) xxx
ReplyDelete