Blog 15: Fallen Angel?

*** M I S S I O N   A C C O M P L I S H E D ***

I've done it! ...
I had my first 'meet' ... I'm still alive ....&...I loved every minute!

Phew! Totally flushed with the excitement of my dating success.

I feel like a cross between a 'wanton hussy' and a 'fallen angel'!

.... and it feels GOOD ...

If I feel this good after the first attempt ... just imagine how I'll feel after the second???

Feverishly, I tap away at my keyboard, addicted to being online ... morning, noon & night!  My mental fix is the merest thought of ... what next? ... who next? ... and when???

Meanwhile, deep (deep) down inside, I have a massive girly admittance ...
[in a breathy whisper, I say] ... I think I've fallen in 'love' with Sailor Jerry!!!

.... FALLEN? ... hook, line and sinker ...

(horrific angling metaphor when describing love pangs for a navy boy who (apparently) has been a member of the 'Dead Hand Gang' ...anyone? ...anyone??)

Weeeeell he is my first ... and who doesn't fall for their 'first' eh?

 No! No! No! ... and again ... NO! This is not supposed to happen. I am a mature, independent Cougar who laughs in the face of romance and positively writhes to the rhythm of life ;-)

I need to get a grip!

Incidentally, did I tell you my six reasons for dating a sailor? Ha ha!

1. They'll always float your boat.
2. They know how to shiver ya timbers.
3. They know how to make a motion in your ocean.
4. They know what to do when things get rough ... and ...
5. It's always Women and Children first. But best of all ...
6. There's THE UNIFORM!

Oh 'hello', who do we have chatting online? Larry ... who works for a well known ladies underwear company.  Hmmmm, any man who can talk knowledgeably on lacy lingerie and saucy stockings is my kind of man.

Although, thinking practically for a second, I think my next 'mission' should include penetrative sex ... or is that just being down right demanding? No, decision made, after a fun filled time with Sailor Jerry, it is now time to play with the big boys (as it were!). Maybe, Lingerie Larry will be the one to go where no man's been for a very, very long time ;-)

Blog 11: Soapy Suds for Sailor Jerry ...

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I'm in the bath.

[JOKE - couple in the tub. One says, 'Where's the soap?'
The other says, 'It does doesn't it!']

He's in the car.

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Sailor Jerry has been on the road for 4 out of 6 hours. 

Our text messages gather momentum.

He's thinking of me.  I'm scrubbing my back.

I'm thinking of him.  He's trying to focus on the road (and not on his throbbing cock).

We are as excited as each other!

The seconds melt away as I scrub, smooth and moisturise myself for him.

My lovely sailor has come up trumps. 

He's only gone and booked a romantic retreat in the country .....

......with a sodding four poster bed in it.

YES!

* * *   A FOUR POSTER BED!!!! * * *

Holy shit ..he's sent me a photo from the room.  It looks like THIS ......

I'm soooo gonna do some damage to that bed!

Blog 8: Rhyming Couplets? Nooooo! Salty Sea Shanties? Yes!

Today's blog slams the door in the face of couples demanding sex and opens the porthole to a jolly jack tar.

Firstly, I've managed to piss our rampant couple of 26 years off! (See Blog 7.) Unfortunately, I haven't responded quickly enough and Kevin's taken the trouble to remind me in his unique and highly sophisticated way ...

Kevin & Tracey's enticing photo!

"oh well you may of dumped my last mail bet your overwellmed with mail we get it some days well were a couple would love a chatt were up rd 3 mile fancy a brew sometime xx kevin an tracey together 26yr unmarried xx"

Do you want to know if I replied?

Of course I did!

"Sorry to take so long to reply," I say.  "I think the site has initially sent you a standard message by way of introduction. I haven't approached anyone on this site yet. Didn't mean to make you feel as if I'd ignored you."

Translation = I've read your bastard email now fuck off and marry ya bint of 26 years!

**************************************************************************************

OMG! I can't breathe .... I've got me a live one here ... A SAILOR!!! 

Ahoy me old matey and rub a dub dub ...ha ha! 

We swap emails = good. 

We exchange mobile numbers = good. 

Feeling empowered, I let the text games commence! 

Blog 7: Too Hot To Handle?

A weekend of flirting has slowed my blogging down, not to mention April Fool's Day. Ok, time to review my Inbox statistics = 240 ...

• Messages (126)
•  Winks (92)
• Gifts
•  Favourites (20)
• Support (2)

Feeling fearless in the face of all these admirers, I enter into dialogue with someone cunningly disguised under the 'handle' of WASABI.

LOL ... Wasabi? Isn't that some sort of hot horseradish-like sauce? Aaaaahhh, I get it .... right ...(head nodding moment). 

Ok, this could be the one to crack open my crackberry and enter into the land of spanking hot messages ...maybe ...even... photos!! I open the email and read ...

·        Dropping you a line from HomelyGirl ...........

To let you know that I have just joined the site and am looking to chat to fun fit men......why not come back to me and say hi! x x...and it claims to be sent from ME.  I am officially mortified.

The reply ..."droppin me a line dont bother pop round be much easyer were 3 miles apart an im part of a couple were not married but weve been together 26yrs now as good as she dont even look 26 yet shes like you so if ive mannaged to fuck her senceless enough to stop her wanting any other mans advances on her wich shes had so many im sure i could give you one of my sex marathons for sevral hours an who knows if you girls hit it off my traceys played before an tryed bi but not with all of my gf ive had but has with some why dont you pop over one evening for a social meet an have a few drinks an a chatt wiv us or just pop round in the day an ill fuck you silly an hour or two show you the electric lizzard as she calls me the fastest tongue in the west ha xx kevin an tracey say dont be shy cum say hi xx"

Question: Really ...would you?

Answer: Despite feeling like I want to educate the writer in grammar and spelling, I think I'll put this down to being an April Fool! ...it is ...isn't it???